I got an email from someone who is writing his first novel and it’s shaping up to be really good. One of the things I suggested to him is that instead of writing it in present tense, he write it in “past active”. Both past active and present active engage the reader, but past active gives the writer more flexibility and it seems less overt.
“What’s that?” he asked. Here’s my answer:
Here are the first couple of paragraphs, as published, from my novel, Nobody’s Child:
http://www.calla.com/nobody.html
They’re written in past active:
April 1909 — Adana, Turkey
They travelled on foot. That set them apart from the other migrant barley harvesters. The others travelled with donkeys or an oxcart. What also set them apart was that their group included women and children.
Mariam’s father and uncle kept pace a few steps in front of the others in their group, and right behind them walked Mariam’s mother. They each carried a cloth sack of supplies on their backs. They each brought their own large sickle.
Here they are again, written in the present:
April 1909 — Adana, Turkey
They travel on foot. That sets them apart from the other migrant barley harvesters. The others travel with donkeys or an oxcart. What also sets them apart is that their group includes women and children.
Mariam’s father and uncle keep pace a few steps in front of the others in their group, and right behind them walk Mariam’s mother. They each carry a cloth sack of supplies on their backs. They each bring their own large sickle.
At all costs, you want to avoid the past passive:
April 1909 — Adana, Turkey
They had travelled on foot. That had set them apart from the other migrant barley harvesters. The others had travelled with donkeys or an oxcart. What had also set them apart was that their group had included women and children.
Mariam’s father and uncle had kept pace a few steps in front of the others in their group, and Mariam’s mother had walked right behind them. They had each carried a cloth sack of supplies on their backs. They each had brought their own large sickle.
Present passive is also deadly:
April 1909 — Adana, Turkey
They were travelling on foot. That was setting them apart from the other migrant barley harvesters. The others were travelling with donkeys or an oxcart. What was also setting them apart was that their group included women and children.
Mariam’s father and uncle were keeping pace a few steps in front of the others in their group, and right behind them was walking Mariam’s mother. They were each carrying a cloth sack of supplies on their backs. They were each bringing their own large sickle.
